Uproxx
If you’ve been checking the Life section this week, you’ve surely noticed that we’re listing the best burger and the most essential theme park in every state in the nation for summer 2018. So far, we’ve powered through the West and the Southwest. Now, it’s time to hit America’s heartland: The Midwest. And since many attribute the entire theme park movement to a state in this region, we want to say, “Thank you, Midwest. You are theme park heroes!”
In our deliberations over essential theme parks, we truly looked for places with quirks and history, as well as those that simply make for a hell of a fun day. And boy did we find them all in the Midwest. Check it out.
North Dakota: Super Slide Amusement Park (Bismark)
We’re not gonna lie: If you’re jonesing for a theme park, pickings are slim af in North Dakota. We went with a bit of a gimme: Super Slide Amusement Park. The park has been in business since 1967 and offers a 6-lane super slide, Bankshot Basketball, a Ferris wheel, and other traditional carnival rides.
The entire park is incredibly well kept and very inexpensive because admission is free. Every damn day. It might not be as weird as some of the parks on this list, but when you want a carnival vibe, this is a pretty great one to pick.
South Dakota: Rushmore Mountain Adventure Park (Keystone)
Unlike North Dakota, South Dakota has a few more theme park options and we think the one that can’t be missed is Rush Mountain Adventure Park, a curious little theme park in the Black Hills. You can take a tour of the Rushmore Cave, fly down the Rushmore Mountain Coaster, scream down the Soaring Eagle Zipline Ride, and get the adrenaline pumping at the new Wingwalker Challenge Course. It takes the stuffy presidential tribute and makes Mount Rushmore into something that’s actually fun.
Rushmore Cave is the closest to Mount Rushmore and it includes something they call the legendary Big Room, one of the largest decorated cavern rooms seen on any area cave tour. It is full of stalactites dangling from the ceiling and even the walls. Throughout, visitors can see stalactites, mighty columns, massive flowstones, and ribbons, draperies, and helictites.
Tours have been given of this cave since 1952, at which point kerosene lanterns were the only source of illumination. But they literally gave tours 24-hours-a-day. Every dollar counted. Profit, yo. To clear spaces for visitors, cement was conveyed into the far reaches of the caverns using old inner tubes slung over muscular arms. How else do your build steps? In 1956, they finally added electric light by laying wires in. So it’s not the most natural feeling cavern you’ll ever visit, but it’s super accessible for the whole family.
Minnesota: Paul Bunyan Land (Brainerd)
When we mentioned Trees of Mystery in our California entry, we said the park includes giant effigies of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. But those are nothing compared to the 26-foot-tall animated, talking statue of the popular folklore character at Paul Bunyan Land. Literally, he welcomes the children who walk past him by name. That is so cool. Or creepy, depending on your feelings about giant statues coming to life and knowing who you are.
This one-of-a-kind celebration of one of the nation’s greatest legends got its start in Baxter in 1950, when Sherm Levis built a park around the statue of Bunyan he had purchased the previous year. In time, the park grew to include 40 rides distinguishing itself as a quirky little destination in The Gopher State. Visitors were shook in 2003, when the park announced that — due to high operational costs — keeping it open was unsustainable and they would be auctioning off everything. Luckily, a local family-owned business called The Old Farm bought the entire park, Paul, Babe, rides, and all. Then, they moved everything six miles east of Brainerd to its present site.
Now, Paul Bunyan Land is adjacent to the This Old Farm Pioneer Village, where people can enjoy 40 buildings decorated with period features. There is a music store, post office, gazette, schoolhouse, saloon, mill, and more. Bonus!
Michigan: Nelis’s Dutch Village (Holland)
We are enthusiastic about theme parks with rich pasts, a fun origin story, and a celebration of a culture. So when we were deliberating, we considered Michigan’s Adventure and all of its thrill rides but ultimately were so swayed by Nelis’s Dutch Village we couldn’t possibly recommend anywhere else.
The true story of the park’s creation has roots in Beverwyk, the Netherlands in 1910 — when Frederick Nelis asked son Harry to travel to the United States in search of rich farmland. The 17-year-old traveled to Missouri where he purchased land and began growing vegetables. In 1911, the rest of his family joined him. He and his parents and eleven siblings ultimately moved to Chicago (when farming lacked the profit they anticipated). After a few years, they heard about the settlement in Holland and purchased 80 acres north of town, first growing veggies and then tulips. By the late 1930s, their farm was a hotspot for tourism and they started selling little souvenirs and flowers.
1n 1952, the present site of Nelis’ Dutch Village was purchased to retail tulip bulbs and gifts. And, in 1958, Harry’s sons, Harry and Fred, built the first building in what is now the essential theme park of Michigan. Now, visitors can enjoy rides, a petting zoo, and a ton of topnotch photographic opportunities.
Wisconsin: Bay Beach (Green Bay)
A municipal theme park is a beautiful thing. So many theme parks are outside the boundaries of what a family or an individual can spend, and this can (especially for young people) create a real sense of being a “have not.” That strikes us as deeply unfortunate. Which is why we are always happy to stan for any park dedicated to giving everyone the chance to get their theme on.
In the 1890s, an entrepreneur named Michael Nejadlo bought land with the intention of dividing it into parcels and selling them for summer homes. Instead, he turned it into Bay View Beach which had a dance hall, bathhouse, and a bar. But, the park was swampy and filled with mosquitos, so people didn’t exactly flock there.
The park changed hands in 1908, when Captain John Cusick bought the resort and built a sizable dock. He then used a steamboat to transport people to the beach, and the rising popularity of swimming allowed him to rent bathing suits to guests. Yes, rented swimsuits. Normal. In 1901, it was roller coaster time, and in 1908, he added a chute ride with a flat-bottomed boat.
In 1911, the park was purchased by Frank Emery Murphy and Fred A Rahr. Both were prominent in the city and its government and donated the 11 acres and its buildings and attractions to the city to be used as a city park called Bay Beach Park. Now, residents and visitors alike have access to a fun park with a cool past. And, to keep costs down, a ticket to ride is still just a quarter.
Illinois: Navy Pier (Chicago)
The closing and subsequent conversion of Rockome Gardens to Aikman Wildlife Adventure stymied us because we really wanted to choose the Amish theme park as our essential Illinois pick. Built in 1937, this park was operated by members of the Old Order Amish Community (though ownership of the actual park over the 80 years of ownership shifted many times). There was a recreation of an Amish village, buggy rides, a cheese shop, and a horse-drawn buzz saw. And don’t forget the tic-tac-toe playing chickens. But, alas, it’s no longer in business.
In the absence of an Amish good time, we opted for Chicago landmark Navy Pier. We will admit that the 50-acre lakefront entertainment destination isn’t a traditional theme park, but we can’t help but be seduced by the 150-foot-high Ferris wheel modeled after the one built for Chicago’s 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition. It’s a seven-minute ride that both excites riders and connects them with the past.
Navy Pier is really what theme parks used to be when they were still traditional pleasure gardens. It doesn’t have water slides or rides that delight and nauseate. But it has a 4,000-square-foot maze, a one-acre botanical garden in a six-story glass atrium, a carousel, and remote control boats. It is both super fun and a community hub — which is what the theme park is at its core.
Indiana: Holiday World And Splashin’ Safari (Santa Claus)
We would be lying if we said we weren’t jazzed to talk about this theme park. So. Jazzed. Many people argue the story of this destination is that of the first theme park in the nation.
Like many of the other genius inventors and entrepreneurs that have been mentioned in our essential theme parks lists, industrialist Louis J. Koch was looking for a retirement project and for a way to make children happy. He was struck by how disappointed young people were to visit the city of Santa Claus and find it without its namesake. The man had nine kids of his own and was super attached to children and holidays.
The park debuted in 1946 with a heaping helping of the North Pole in the form of a toy shop, a restaurant, some themed rides, and…of course…Santa! Over the decades, the park has grown exponentially, but it hasn’t left the family. It is still run by the Kochs.
If you are wondering why it’s called Holiday World now, it’s because the Koch family saw an opportunity to expand the scope of the park to include other celebratory holidays, including 4th of July and Halloween. Then, in the early 90s, they added a 40-acre water park which includes a water coaster. Seriously, this place is rad in so many ways.
Ohio: Cedar Point (Sandusky)
It would be nearly impossible to overlook The Roller Coaster Capital of the World when making an Ohio pick. Well, it’s actually the Self-Proclaimed Roller Coaster Capital of the World (which totally makes it better because now we know there are a lot of coasters and not an ounce of humility). Respect.
In more irrefutable titles, this park is the second-oldest operating amusement park in the US, and we respect the hell out of that too. Before 1870, this area on the shore of Lake Erie was used for fishing and hunting. But in 1867, the local newspaper issued a call of action to “some enterprising person: to make something out of the stunning beach on the lakeside of Cedar Point.” So in the summer of 1870, Louis Zistel, a local businessman opened a park that included a beer garden, dance floor, and bathhouse. He used his steamboat, Young Reindeer, to bring people to the area for a quarter a ride. It was wildly popular to hang out there.
It wasn’t until 1892 that the park’s first coaster debuted. The Switchback Railway was 25-feet tall and reached a top speed of 10-miles-per-hour. Now, there are 18 coasters, and they are each different than one another and often different than anything you will find anywhere in the world. For instance, in 2016, the park unleashed Valravn — the tallest, fastest, and longest dive on the planet at the time.
Iowa: Adventureland (Altoona)
Another beloved family-owned theme park, Adventureland markets itself as Iowa’s Largest and Most Complete Family Resort Complex, which is kind of intense. It’s really a lot more fun than that description implies. John F. “Jack” Krantz began construction of the park in 1973 with some reported help from the Disney company during early planning. A tornado delayed the opening (because of course, it did), but the park was up and running in full by August of 1974. And, Krantz’s son reportedly said his dad came into work happy every day thereafter because he loved what he was doing.
The park has added a lot of attractions that are noteworthy. As early as 1975, it added rides like the Skyride from the World’s Fair in Spokane, Washington. These days, there are a ton of thrill rides — like The Monster Infinity coaster and Dragon, a double-looping steel coaster.
In addition to the awesome rides, Adventureland also has some pretty charming themed areas like the rural-themed County Fair and Iowa Farm. We love that they work to keep the character of their state present throughout the property. We think that’s the kind of attention to detail that comes from being owned by a local family.
Nebraska: Fun-Plex (Omaha)
The Fun-Plex is the largest amusement park in Nebraska and used to be home to the state’s only roller coaster, the strangely named Big Ohhhhh!. After an eleven-year run at the park, the coaster was removed before the 2018 season, with management citing maintenance costs. So it feels a little odd to forward the now coaster-less Fun-Plex as essential, but the bottom line is that there aren’t a lot of other options and we like the scrappy way this park built itself up to the largest in the state from such humble beginnings.
In the late 1970s, the future Fun-Plex opened its doors as a simple go-kart track named The Kart Ranch. After a short period of time, they added a miniature golf course and a couple of pinball machines, but things were pretty lowkey. It wasn’t until the 1980s that the park, now officially named Fun-Plex, took on a major expansion and added rides like bumper boats and bumper cars. Lots of bumping. By the time they added two five-story typhoon water slides and the Motion Ocean ride, they were the biggest ride and water park in the state.
But Fun-Plex didn’t stop once it achieved that goal. Rides continued to be added, a newer go-kart track was constructed, and a 5-million dollar water park expansion was undertaken. The best perk of all: This park is home to the only swim up bar in the state.
Kansas: The Big Pool (Garden City)
Kansas has some legit amusement park history. Great examples are the Electric Park sites built in the late 1880s and early 1900s by the Heim brothers, who were aiming to attract people to their breweries. Spoiler: it totally worked. One person they attracted was a nine-year-old Walt Disney who moved to Kansas City with his family in 1911. Disney’s time at the park made a real impact. And aspects of Disneyland and Disneyworld (that we take for granted as central to their DNA) are actually inherited from Electric Park. When Disney was developing plans for his first park in 1955, he brought in a train whose track circled the grounds and daily fireworks at closing because he grew up with them and loved them.
Sadly, a 1925 fire burned most of the second park to the ground, ending its time as an amusement park. So we obviously aren’t choosing it as the essential park, but we are searching for a book about it because we want to know everything.
Kansas is hard because there aren’t any really substantial parks still operating. So we went with a bit of a curiosity with great history and a few water slides. We know The Big Pool is technically a municipal pool, but we didn’t have a lot to work with. And it is the World’s Largest Hand Dug Swimming Pool — so that’s cool. When Garden City mayor H.O. Trinkle conceived the 72.600-foot swimming pool in 1921, citizens were freaked about the potential cost, so they were encouraged to participate in its construction. The pool was dug and lined by the people of the town. It has been central to the childhoods of area swimmers ever since. There was even a period when the local zoo’s elephants were allowed to swim in it.
Missouri: Worlds of Fun (Kansas City)
We have a bit of a crush on Branson, Missouri. Come on, who doesn’t love the “Live Entertainment Capital of the World”? So it makes us a bit down in the mouth to be unable to urge readers to run to Celebration City, which was a park themed after America in the 20th century. There were areas based on Route 66, a beachy boardwalk in the 1920s, and small-town life in the 1900s. It was built on the site of the former Branson USA and had some success, but only lasted five years.
For an essential park currently in business, we are all about Worlds of Fun and its slogan “Thrills Connect” — which actually resonates with us. It’s almost a perfect motto for our travel philosophy. As the name suggests, the theme here is lifted straight out of Jules Verne’s Around the World in Eighty Days, and the park is divided into five primary sections to create a global environment. You can hang out in Scandinavia, Europa, Africa, Americana, and the Orient. Sorry Australia, you got boned on this. There is an Australian-themed coaster called Boomerang, but it’s located in Africa. Guests who are taking their geography clues from visits to this park, probably aren’t going to win any trivia contests.
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