Uproxx
Theme parks do a number of magical things; one of the most spectacular of which is that they grow with us. A day at the park looks different as a child than it does as a teen or a twenty-something. But, unlike other experiences that change with age, these places remain fun at every chronological step because they bring such visceral pleasure into our lives. The residuals keep our nostalgia batteries charged, while also powering our sense of adventure until we die (ideally, not on a ride).
To celebrate these enchanted locales, we’ve taken to listing those parks that we consider essential. In fact, we’ve picked one for each state in the union. We began yesterday with the Western states and with a brief explanation of what we find essential. We think it is important to say that we love the big parks and they are musts in their own ways, but the newest thrill ride or VR experience isn’t what we were seeking when we compiled this list. We want to capture some history, some danger, and some quirkiness.
These are “essentials” because traveling to them and experiencing their charm, even as an adult, is something you can’t replicate. Many of the attractions on our list are truly one of a kind. We love that. We also love hearing from you, so jump into the comments and share your essential theme park picks. We dig learning about new places as much as we hope you do.
Texas: Zero Gravity Amusement Park (Dallas)
Before we get to all the thrills at Zero Gravity, we want to take a minute to mention Morgan’s Wonderland, one of the best theme parks in Texas. It was designed for children with special needs and it’s a non-profit and the first park of its kind in the world. Admission for those with special needs is free and caregivers are only asked to pay a nominal admission amount. Rides are custom-designed to accommodate wheelchair riders, giving people who would never have the chance to enjoy a Ferris wheel, a carousel ride, or tooling around in a go-cart the chance to do so. It rocks. But, it has a pretty targeted audience, so we want to acknowledge it, but pick an essential that serves a wider range of visitors.
Zero Gravity has been in business since 1992 but it only operates five rides. Why? It is a very focused park and considers itself the world’s only “Thrill Amusement Park.” So, your options are bungee-jumping from a seven-story tower, free falling from a 16-story tower, riding a towering propeller that pulls 4Gs, sitting in an ejection seat that blasts the rider 150-feet in 1.2 seconds, and hopping on a 100-foot high flying simulator that speeds 60-miles-per-hour.
If you are looking for sheer adrenaline, sans the family element of most theme parks, this is your go-to. You won’t find anything like it anywhere else.
Oklahoma: Frontier City Theme Park (Oklahoma City)
Yes, this property is owned and operated by Six Flags and that makes choosing it stick in our craws a little — because while that kind of corporate oversight may improve safety and guest experiences, it can also sap character from a theme park. However, how do we not pick this western-themed park? It’s too cool to deny.
In 1957, Boomtown, a replica of an Oklahoma pioneer town debuted at the state’s semi-centennial celebration, and Jimmy Burge, the leader of the committee that managed its construction, decided he would open a park with the same theme. In 1958, the park debuted along famed Route 66. It was free to enter, but you had to pay a quarter for the gunfights. Otherwise, you cruised around and checked out the mine train, haunted farm, jails, and robberies without spending a cent.
Burge is a fun character. He was a Hollywood publicist for 20 years — representing the likes of Robert Taylor and Joan Crawford — and his visits to Disneyland when it opened in 1955 made him fall in love with the theme park business. He must’ve known in his heart that Oklahoma was the perfect place for such amusement and saw his chance with Boomtown.
For 50 years, people have come to the property for a wild good time. As for coasters, we like the Gunslinger — which whips 24 riders 60-feet in the air through motor-driven rotations. And don’t forget the water park, on hot days it’s also a must!
Colorado: World Famous Tiny Town and Railroad (Morrison)
Colorado has some awesome traditional amusement parks, like Elitch Gardens (which would have been our pic had it been Eldritch Gardens and the mascot was a Lovecraftian horror). But we think the truly essential visit comes on a smaller scale in CO. Literally. We bring you Tiny Town and Railroad, which began as a miniature village built by George Turner in 1921 to entertain his daughter.
If you watched Hot Fuzz and were into the model village at Hatfield House, this is for you. It is also for you if you are hyped about feeling like a giant. No shame. We get it. Sadly, as time marched forward the little town originally known as Turnerville fell into disrepair. But in 1977, a model train buff by the name of Lyle Fulkerson bought it. Were things about to be restored? They would have been, had Fulkerson not been killed by a runaway train car on his way to visit Tiny Town. It wasn’t until 1989 when the Northern Colorado Chapter of the Institute of Real Estate Management adopted the park as a civic project, that volunteers were able to rescue it. Today, it thrives.
There are over 100 buildings to check out and they make for excellent photos. Plus, there is a ridable miniature railway. Who doesn’t want that?
Utah: Lagoon (Farmington)
Lagoon has a lot going for it. The obvious perks are the ten roller coasters, five of which remain unique, including Colossus the Fire Dragon, the last Schwarzkopf Double Looping coaster operating in the US, and the bluntly named Roller Coaster, one of the oldest in the world and in operation since 1921. Plus, they design a lot of their attractions in-house and we love that.
We also love Lagoon’s rich history, which dates back to 1886, when the park included “Bowling, Elegant Dancing Pavilion, Fine Music, A Shady Bowery and Good Restaurants.” In 1899, they added their first thrill ride, Shoot-the Chutes — sort of a log flume but with a bigger boat and only a single big drop. In 1900, folks were rowing boats and swimming in the lake associated with the park. After that, it just kept growing with additional rides and acreage.
There is something about a park with a rich history that includes weathering World War II and hosting Big Band greats on its stage and a wooden roller coaster designed by John Miller (considered the father of the modern high-speed roller coaster). We can’t get enough of walking in the footsteps of generations of thrill seekers and adventurers past.
New Mexico: Cliff’s Amusement Park (Albuquerque)
Okay, we will admit to being slightly amused by a place name Cliff’s Amusement Park. It just feels funny. However, between its opening in 1959 and a name change in 1963, it was known as Uncle Cliff’s Kiddieland, so this is a big improvement name-wise and creep-wise.
The original Cliff’s was an itty affair built by Cliff and Zella Hammond on Lomas Blvd but neighbors petitioned to have it removed. Things were not looking good for Uncle Cliff and the kiddies. But it relocated to its present location in 1963, which was the outskirts of town at that point. Now they are pretty centrally located, thanks to urban sprawl.
If you want to join the fun, we recommend the Super Fire Ball — which will whip your ass upside down on an 80-foot high loop 13 times a minute. Or try the New Mexico Rattler, which has been voted one of the top 25 wooden roller coasters in the world in an internet poll. It works its way through the whole park and is nearly 3,000 feet long.
Arizona: Bedrock City
We can’t write effusively enough about Bedrock City. Is it dated? Yes. Is there a roller coaster? No. And, that doesn’t matter because it is a truly charming way to connect with a modern stone age family. For visitors to the AZ, this is a must.
Bedrock City is literally open every day but Christmas, and the associated campground is a 365-days-a-year operation — so you can for sure make a visit work with your schedule. Seriously, you can’t truly call yourself a theme park enthusiast until you have spent a snowy day in January snapping pics of cement simulacrums of a 1960s animated show.
When you visit, you can expect a small rock movie theater that you can sit in all day watching cartoons featuring Fred, Barney, Wilma, and Betty. In addition, there are recreations of the couple’s homes, a small train, a schoolhouse, and a slide that lets you get a real Fred on while you pretend to hear the end of the day whistle at the quarry. You can also grab a bite at Fred’s Diner, home of Bronto Burgers and Chickasaurus Dinners.
This cross between a brightly colored, nostalgic acid trip and a ghost town will have you saying “Yabba Dabba Dabba Doo” in the best way.
Nevada: Adventuredome (Las Vegas)
We went with a theme park that is a bit expected when we opted for this Circus Circus Casino property. That may feel like it runs counter to our other attempts to explore the strange and forgotten. So, to balance this out, let’s briefly discuss Dig This Las Vegas — the heavy equipment playground.
If you aren’t looking for a traditional theme park experience with roller coasters, thrill rides, and carnival games and are instead dying to operate construction vehicles…we got you. Dig This does cost at a couple hundred dollars for an experience and there’s a 30-minute training and orientation, but after that, lucky folks in the Vegas area can work with heavy equipment. Always wanted to truck around a five-acre theme park on a Caterpillar D5 track-type bulldozer, then this is your jam. We honestly can’t help wondering if this is a really clever way to get low paid labor to construct a housing development or something, but people who can afford to purchase time on a hydraulic excavator seem to… dig it.
So, why pick Adventuredome over Dig This? Honestly, we just love the idea of a completely indoor five-acre theme park nestled under a dome on the strip. Perhaps, the film Biodome impacted us too greatly as children. With 25 attractions, including a killer coaster and an 18-hole golf course, how can you go wrong? It may have started in 1993 as Grand Slam Canyon, a dinosaur-themed amusement park, but we understand the move from animatronics and theming to activities. Go to Adventuredome and you’ll have a ton of fun without ever leaving the strip.
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