all About the best: There’s A Backlash Against The Idea To Replace Public Libraries With Amazon

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It seemed like something that had to be satire and yet somehow isn’t. No, we’re not talking about literally every news story in the past year. We’re talking about this op-ed in Forbes, advocating for shutting down libraries and replacing them with Amazon digital services. This would cost every person who uses them money (and leave rural people like me completely without options, probably), but Long Island University Post economics professor Mourdoukoutas seems to view that as a bonus, as it would “enhanc[e] the value of [Amazon’s] stock.”

Amazon Should Replace Local Libraries to Save Taxpayers Money via @forbes https://t.co/weDGYAqjTS

— Panos Mourdoukoutas (@PMourdoukoutas) July 21, 2018

So that was published in Forbes, not The Onion. Dude is really calling for an end to libraries, later taking to twitter to claim he pays an additional $495 per year in property taxes towards library funding alone, and then he adds that “most people” don’t use the library enough to justify that tax. Except “most people” don’t own a $1.5 million dollar house, which another Twitter user pointed out would have to be the value of his home to be paying $495 per year in library taxes where he lives. It’s worth noting he lives in a county where a $1.5 million dollar house is about 300% more expensive than the median home price.

Twitter worked swiftly this weekend, coming to the defense of libraries. I’m sure some might argue this helps Forbes, as it seems they decided it was a good business strategy to promote one of the dumbest ideas imaginable in order to maybe get people to click on the article to see just how stupid it is. That may conjure ad revenue in the short term, but now the first thing I’ll think of when I think “Forbes” will be “stump dumb provocateurs” and that seems like a bad long-term strategy for them. (Full disclosure: my mom and grandma were librarians and I’ve spent a sizable percentage of my life in libraries, so if you want to besmirch a library I might fight you with knives. Forbes, I will fight you with knives.)

So, without further ado or threats of knife violence, here are some of our favorite tweets in response to this anti-library sentiment:

Cost to individually buy the six books I have on hold this week: $70

Amount the Altadena Library Special Parcel Tax cost me this week: 75¢

Someone help me budget this, I'm not the chair of an economics department.

— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) July 21, 2018

Amazon Should Replace the Police Force That Patrols the Crime-Ridden Streets of Dystopian Detroit with Reanimated Cyborgs Retaining Dim Traumatic Memories of Their Former Human State to Save Taxpayers Money pic.twitter.com/HFkfHIRcPR

— Eric Allen Hatch (@ericallenhatch) July 22, 2018

I demand that at least one student of his turn in a paper quoting nothing but Amazon Prime shows. It is your duty, undergrads.

— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) July 22, 2018

This is the only proper response to that terrible "Amazon should take over public libraries" piece in Forbes: pic.twitter.com/Jl7NJZ5ZRI

— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) July 22, 2018

I get that this is more of an intellectual exercise than a full-on suggestion, but it's the kind of exercise that's never supposed to be an actual in-the-air argument, like "You know, if you kill half the people, you could save 50% on groceries."
Your argument is Thanos.

— Scott Woods (@scottwoodssays) July 22, 2018

normally when everyone is tweeting angrily about the same dumb article, I get burned out on it within a few hours but I hope we spend the whole next week collectively talking about how great libraries are and how shitty the anti-library article is

— Tom McAllister (@t_mcallister) July 22, 2018

I know there are Problems with the twitter mob but people like Mr. Let Amazon Be The Local Library rarely ever get told they’re evil stupid sacks of shit in real life and it has happened thousands of times on here today and I think that’s beautiful

— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) July 22, 2018

The number of times I’ve been yelling “but that’s what taxes are FOR” during the last several years is ridiculous

— Rawnaeris (@rawnaeris) July 22, 2018

Libraries aren't just museums for books, people. Real life people come there for information on services to try to often save their lives. Info on doctors, domestic violence shelters, help to get jobs. Stop funding everything that rich folk want and leave libraries the fuck alone

— jamey hatley (@jameyhatley) July 22, 2018

some people can't afford a computer+printer but they can afford a few cents to print out a resume/job application at the library

— Tim Sutton (@FlamingButtWind) July 22, 2018

So when's the last time you went to a library? Did you know that they run code clubs? Literacy programs? Cooking classes? 3D printing maker labs? Did you know that school auditoriums aren't easy to rent (or cheap)? Whereas we're free to EVERYONE? https://t.co/PNMfLdncGk

— LyndseyR. (@lyndztanica) July 21, 2018

You didn’t research modern libraries at all did you? Did you go to any libraries or go to their webpages to look at their jam packed programming schedule?did you get any statistics? Because it looks like you should have used the local library to fact check yourself first.

— Megan AllOddPages (@Meganfangirl) July 22, 2018

I’m a librarian and this is actually the worst fucking idea ever.

Libraries by Amazon would eliminate the most important function libraries have—as a socialized daytime service to cash-poor and working class people left behind by digital advances. https://t.co/YqxLgAZQm6

— cyree jarelle johnson (@cyreejarelle) July 22, 2018

Idiots have been trying to push this evil agenda that libraries should be privatized because the radical idea of a place that asks nothing from people while providing a service, a real public good, a place that treats people as people, and not consumers, is so bizarre to them https://t.co/iwErXxl4ho

— Zito (@_Zeets) July 22, 2018

Fun facts about librarians: a Master’s degree is required to be a librarian. Median income for someone w a MS is just under $70k. For librarians it’s around $58k. Librarians work hard to and go into academic debt because they believe in their communities and intellectual freedom. https://t.co/YA2Lg0kRZE

— Stoned Adulterer (@ElaDarling) July 22, 2018

Economists just studied the @torontolibrary system. It created over $1 billion in economic impact, generating $5.63 of impact for every $1 spent, and a 463% ROI.

Seems like a good use of tax dollars to me.

— Sara Sea (@gimblerocket) July 22, 2018

“I wrote an article against pubic libraries today.” – An actual human.

— Dave Anthony is The Cuckboy (@daveanthony) July 22, 2018

So, yes, we all read your article. It was poorly written, vaguely sourced, and beneath your standing as an academic. I do look forward to your next piece, "Krispy Kreme Should Replace Food Stamps," however.

— Tod Goldberg (@todgoldberg) July 21, 2018

The fact that a professor is advocating replacing libraries with Amazon for the sake of pageviews and retweets is morally and intellectually bankrupt. Please tell your university librarian that their students would be better off using Amazon for research instead of their library.

— SPACE FORCE 2024 (@chipgoines) July 22, 2018

Y’all just don’t want people without a lot money/privilege/access to have anything huh?

The paltry ass .02% of your check (I’m being generous) is just too much for a person to have access to books, computers, classes, or a quiet space to go after school, yeah?

— EricaJoy (@EricaJoy) July 22, 2018

Amazon is a corporation more interested in serving itself than a community. It cannot replace a library. The digital divide is a real thing. Just say you hate the poor, elderly and disabled and go.

— Ann Elise Monte (@booksandsinging) July 22, 2018

Or: Amazon could FUND local libraries by paying their fucking taxes. https://t.co/fNT336PnrB

— Tin House (@Tin_House) July 21, 2018

Normal brain: libraries and Amazon can coexist
Expanding brain: Amazon should assume control over libraries
Cosmic brain: libraries should assume control over Amazon

— Max Read (@max_read) July 23, 2018

in counterpoint, Governments Should Nationalize Amazon to Save Taxpayer Money https://t.co/J1EGRZ6Gx7

— Patrick Blanchfield (@PatBlanchfield) July 22, 2018

I live in a country where there are practically no free public libraries. Most people here literally can't afford to read.

Many of you guys have no idea how good you have it till it's taken away.

— Rin Chupeco (@RinChupeco) July 22, 2018

I almost cried the first time I saw the front of the Fall River Public Library, because right on the front, in big carved letters, it says "The People's University". Libraries are the best thing EVER, and your failure to understand that is baffling. https://t.co/QLeZ4IDBli pic.twitter.com/aAcYw5uiJ7

— Dr. mem_somerville | Wossamotta U (@mem_somerville) July 22, 2018